SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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