Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
