You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
