I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize