What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
