I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize