so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
