With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just pee around me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize