mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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