Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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