Who did Billy Mays play for?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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