I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
