remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i love accidental penises.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he just fucked me for my cheese..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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