ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
