when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
