Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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