watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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