i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
