He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
