new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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