It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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