so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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