There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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