Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
