guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
