i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My bed smells like the plague
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
