I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
