So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
