Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
