What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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