He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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