what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize