oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
