I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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