i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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