He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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