smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
