I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
