When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
