So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
