So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
