Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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