I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
