stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
