Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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