Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
