im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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