butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I could fuck to npr.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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