I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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