i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
