so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
