But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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