I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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