HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize