i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
