You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
