This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
