Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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