My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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