im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
