it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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