we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize