So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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