I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
