This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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