we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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