Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
