i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
