Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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