I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
P.S. I can't hear my feet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
