he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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