your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
