Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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