Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
