Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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